Sophie Benshitta Maven
8 min readJun 30, 2018


If you’ve bought into the b.s. that thinking good thoughts, happy thoughts, being non-judgmental is good for you,See footnote 1 then your vibration is low, but more importantly, your vibration cannot be raised, unless you let go of this b.s.

Let’s turn this baby on its head: if you bought into the b.s. that your thoughts create your reality, and you need to avoid thinking bad thoughts regarding yourself, the world, the future, other people, because it makes you and your life bad… then there is nothing I can ever do for you, unless you change your mind.

Why? Because you refuse to interact with reality, you refuse to base your actions on reality.

Reality is neither good nor bad, it is what it is.

  • Things mostly don’t turn out.
  • People are doing whatever they are doing, and they are hardly ever doing good things, right things, neither for themselves or for you
  • Work is hard, or boring, and to learn anything new you need to feel stupid, weak, incompetent, and you probably are.
  • Things don’t fill you up, and your life is meaningless. You’re responsible for all of it… and it doesn’t feel good at all.

So you see that for life to work for you, you need to be able to be with, without losing power, without covering your eyes, with life exactly the way life is. Good, bad, ugly… all of it.

That positive thinking b.s. trained you to be a Twitchy Little Bastard, a sissy, a wuss, a weakling.

Facing reality needs you to raise your TLB.

One of the alarming symptoms I see on my webinars is that people are unwilling to critique, assess, evaluate their peers.

In your head, I know, you judge them.

But judging is a low vibration, low intelligence, low evolutionary activity, because judging means you use the two prong approach: good/bad, nice/nasty, etc. level.

Assessing, assessment is a method that goes beyond the two prong: you actually need to see, need to notice, need to accurately identify what you see. Behavior, looks, knowledge, attitude, speaking, relationship, etc.

If you don’t know the difference between judging (two prong, opinionated, guilty/not guilty etc.) and assessment (red, pudgy, harsh, loud, overwhelming, rambling, self-promoting, etc.) then you are stuck in the lowest gear of your “vehicle” that can take you to success.

Your accurate vocabulary of reality is low, and your vibration is low. With your low numbers, you make poor decisions, you listen to the wrong people, you fancy yourself superior… while your results are pitiful, your actions don’t amount to much, and you suffer.

You need to learn to assess, richly and accurately. But because you can get to rich and accurate assessment, you need to crawl before you can run.

And you need to make it a practice.

This is what happens when you first do that: you’ll take your eyes of the imaginary focus that your judgment implies.

You will still judge. Why? It is a habit. But you won’t be stuck on that level…

The other day a new person joined the exercise class for older people.

I asked her name, introduced myself, shake hands.

And then I did my thing… which she didn’t like. She was frowning, scowling, staring at me.

Obviously I had a judgment about her… But I caught it… and started to expand the cone of vision, and noticed her hair… wig. Noticed her body… skinny. Noticed her legs… wobbly. I didn’t even have to go beyond that third assessment: I felt wild compassion for her. She was frail, weak, and her legs barely carried her. And I was OK with her judgment of me…

Obviously this is easier for me that it is for you: my accurate vocabulary 5,000, and yours is probably below 1000.

Most people I measure clock in around 300.

But doing this exercise religiously does several things in your Starting Point Measurements:

  • 1. it takes your attention off me-myself-and-I
  • 2. it forces your awareness to grow, little by little
  • 3. it takes you out of Plato’s Cave, the mind. Inside the mind you cannot do this, you have to come out and look… in reality.
  • 4. it increases your accurate vocabulary AND your worth a damn factor… slowly but surely. Your vibration cannot be far behind…

Notice that I didn’t say: say something nice about them… that “nice” comes from positive thinking, or wanting to be nice, or make it all right… all low vibration inclinations. No. I said: start noticing other things about them, things you can see, right now! Physical characteristics, or facial expression!

If you go to the past, into your memory, to excuse them from wrong-doing, or to remember that you like them, love them, etc. then you are doing an exercise to lower your vibration!

This exercise is a lot like my “locate your feet” exercise.

The goal of this and the “locate your feet” exercise is to bring you to the here and now, out of your mind, out of your internal dialog, out of Plato’s Cave.

I have students who don’t understand that, and they remain in the Cave…

Because how you do anything is how you do everything.

The magic this little exercise does, done several times a day, forever, consistently, is bring you out into reality, where life is. And that is the hardest and most significant thing you can do for yourself.

What if the person judged is yourself?

You judge yourself all the time, don’t you? And you are not kind to yourself. Or too kind… if you have narcissistic tendencies, which are obvious if your delusion number is higher than 30%… this number is also part of the Starting Point Measurements.

So you catch yourself judging yourself… the process is the same. All judgment happens in the cave of your mind!

So let’s say I make a mistake and accidentally destroy a new equipment I just bought for a lot of money. Irreparable.

I pass the judgment… and then look at things that are not in my mind. I am still alive. I am walking. I am hot. I am cold. I am dressed in shorts and t-shirt. I am breathing in gasps. I am frowning. I have short hair…

I do it until I am sure I can see a person there and I can hold the image of a person, instead of that a**hole who did whatever I did.

In essence, I located my feet.

What causes the physiological changes is not forcing my breath to slow down. Not forcing my face to smile. Not thinking positive thoughts. No, what causes all that is widening my cone of vision, and looking in reality.

Everything, everyone, every bad thing is a tiny and insignificant part of reality. Only when your cone of vision is filled by it then it’s a big deal.

You are not conscious of your cone of vision, this is why you need exercises to widen it.

I have to do this, some days, 10–20–30 times.

The other day I was talking to someone who was rubbing me the wrong way. I had my finger poised over the “off” button… every fiber of my being wanted to hang up on her. But I kept enlarging my cone of vision, diligently, for the entire duration of the call. It was work, it was hard, but I did it. And I am better for it.

Now, do I want people who rub me the wrong way in my life? No, I don’t. So I let her go… But not while I was reactive, not because I had a judgment. I did it after the call… sat with myself, and looked if this person I can contribute to, if this person adds anything to my life. Not from judgment: from assessment.

Here is another example: your loved one, your spouse or your child is misbehaving in public.

You are upset. It feels that they upset you, but truth be told: you don’t want their behavior reflect badly on you. You want to preserve your “I am good” delusion, and your precious “I” is what is making you upset.

The practice is the same. But this time you need to take your eyes of your precious I, and look at the person, or persons, instead. And start noticing things about them: their hair, their teeth, their facial expression, their posture… make sure you add words… no words, you are still in your head, you are still about yourself.

It will be hard… but it will set you free. And it will allow you to add moments to your life when not everything is about you.

I’d hate to be your child, I’d hate to be your spouse… If you can’t find even moments when you are not about you…

I had one moment with my mother when she wasn’t all about herself. When she saw me for the first time… It lasted a few seconds. I was 45 years old.

And I also remember the moment with my mother, when I first saw her as a person… not who she was supposed to be for me.

Life alters when you do this exercise the way it is supposed to be done. In reality.

Want to know where you are at? Here is to order your Starting Point Measurements


  1. Over 1 TRILLION, that is a thousand billion pages tout the misdirection perpetuated on you!

Read more from Sophie Benshitta Maven at The Empath’s guide to getting well and raising your vibration



Sophie Benshitta Maven

Publish at Raise your vibration true empath, coach, publisher, mad scientist, living a life that is worth living