Fighting your demons, over and over, expecting to win one day

You/I spend most of our lives trying to fix something that never happened. Something that was never factually true. Even though you keep telling the story as if it were true. And you don’t know that you are lying.

Some people call these demons… even though there are no demons… but nevertheless, using the expression: fighting your demons is very accurate, if you don’t believe that demons are entities. There are no entities in the visible or invisible Universe.

And yet we are fighting… I call it an itch… a compulsion… something that makes you weird.

The ITCH that tells you that unless you get what you say you didn’t get in that story, at whatever price, even extorting it, you cannot be OK.

I have known that the story you tell is not true. I have known this for a long while… but this past week, in an impromptu conversation with a long time student of mine, I suddenly saw that finding the untrue aspect of the story is not as easy as it sounds: every story has many many layers, and to catch the layer that contains the lie is more like an art, than science.

It is the untrue aspect that behaves like a “demon”.

I am learning this art. I am just beginning even to see the enormity of it.