I can’t handle it
Yesterday in the growth workshop I decided to look at my relationship to money. I have been trying to crack this tough nut for many years: in every business I have had everyone said I was sitting on a big mountain of money… but not actualizing much of it.
So I set out to work on money… Asking: how come I don’t make as much money as I could… with what I have…
Of course I am the course leader, so I don’t have time to deal with my own sh-it, but now it is on the sheet… documented, and the table.
After the webinar I did some busy work, watched some old private eye show… went to bed, and fell asleep. I didn’t even want to do the healing work I was supposed to do… it seemed every fiber of my being wanted to not be conscious… sleep, blessed sleep.
At 2 am I woke up to feverish activity in the mind… it was so feverish and so insistent, I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up, got dressed. I made a cup of tea, sat down, and pondered.
I could hear a faint voice in my head, no, in my body: I can’t handle it.
Anything you do, anything you feel, all behavior, all emotions come from some words. Hearing the words is the key to get the actions conscious, to get the behavior conscious.
The voice I heard, ‘I can’t handle it’ explains almost everything in my life.
When who you are ‘I can’t handle it’, the way you avoid having to handle it is to avoid doing it altogether. I have been avoiding writing ‘real’ sales letters,… the way you make real money. No sales letter = no real money, or just a little bit. Alms.
Why not just do it? It is hard, and it needs my weakest capacity… as a dyslexic person I have a wicked hard time to organize stuff, put them in order, have a sequence. And that, a sequence is the heart of a sales letter.