One Word That Should Never Follow “I Love You”

It’s been very difficult for me to bring examples to the phenomenon “or-ness”, in spite of the fact that it is all over. I was trying to define it, but it’s eluded me.

Here is an article I didn’t write. It is a beautiful illustration of the principle of how to replace “or” with “and” and give birth to a lot better, a lot more loving life than it was before. Really nicely done:

It started with “I love you, but …”

It could have been “I love you, but you’re driving me crazy” or any of the following: “I love you, but you’re not listening to me”; “I love you, but stop leaving dirty dishes in the sink”; or “I love you, but I need some alone time.” I’ve begun many a sentence with those four words, and never paused for a moment to think about what they mean. What are we actually conveying when we begin a sentence like that?

What my husband heard wasn’t the first part of the sentence, but the second, every time. What he heard was “I love you if …” and “I would love you, if only you would …” He didn’t like it, he said so, and I’m glad he did.

He was right. I was throwing “I love you” in to soften the blow, but let’s be honest, when you say it like that, the purpose of the statement is to communicate everything except “I love you.” The “but” slices the top of the sentence…