Why all techniques of increasing Emotional Intelligence are b.s. and not effecting the level of happiness, the level of well-being of people who practice it.
Same is true about the Emotional Guidance System of Abraham/ Hicks… b.s. and ineffective. Why? Because they are trying to change the fruits instead of the roots… Putting makeup on syphilitic lesions. 1 Or pimples, if you are squeamish…
Feelings are clean. They do four simple things. Make you go for it, make you stop, direct you towards pleasure and away from pain… They are the seed level. The foundation. 2
But psychologists don’t know squat about feelings. Feelings do not express themselves directly on the behavior, or rarely.
They are translated, altered, colored by the marker feelings we have… morals, ethical considerations, behavioral restrictions, etc. that our family, our education, our society piled on the innocent, logical, and healthful feelings we have had to keep us alive. both as an individual and a species.
Your emotions, often, have nothing to do with anything that is happening, anything relevant, anything useful.
In fact, your emotions are mostly not useful… And yet.
I am an empath. I always thought I felt feelings, and some feelings I do feel, maybe all.
But what got my attention, are your emotions. They are so much stronger than feelings, that they suppress or overbear… lord over your body, while your feelings don’t.
Why are emotions like that? Because all emotions are marker feelings.
Because you live in your head, in the world of inaccurate, learned symbols, words, and you have lost touch with the wholesome, healthful, simple, explainable, and not so individual level of feelings.
But when you can “descend” to the levels of feelings, you can see that there are seven distinct categories, some, maybe five purposes, and of all those seemingly too many feelings, there are only two that really connect to the emotional level, and therefore need to be understood.
And once you understand those two levels, two needs, life becomes incredibly clearer, your emotions, 80% of them obvious, and your emotional intelligence, as far as your own emotions go, shoots through the roof.
What about the 20%? We shall see, when I get to them, OK?
For now let’s deal with what we can deal with, and not worry about all the stuff we cannot deal with, because we have not enough data.
By the way, this is a good advice for all of life: start with what you can see… and let the rest unfold when you get to them.
I see too much paralysis-analysis people trying to deal with what they don’t know, can’t know, because it can only be seen down the line.
Don’t be stupid. You need about 50% of knowledge to start and start an experiment… Because everything is an experiment. Even if you saw what you deem 100%, even then it’s an experiment… Life is an experiment because 40% of knowledge is still only exists in the infolded, invisible paradigm. And for you, personally, it is more like 70%, given your vantage point, given your level of awareness, education, and intelligence.
So…. how do you start about conquering this world of feelings, that is the seed level of the confusing world of emotions?
You start by reading two books. Both are translated from Hungarian. Both are incredibly, painstakingly precise, because the person who wrote them is an engineer.
The first hurdle: He is a man.
In Hungarian he is funny as hell… embarrassingly funny… you laugh when you read it and blush at the same time. Much like a stand up comic, except you are by yourself… If it’s OK with you to be embarrassed… you’ll love the books.
If it isn’t… you’ll probably leave them: you have just failed the first test: your cultural indoctrination successfully robbed you of the freedom and happiness you say you would so much like to attain.
If your society pretends to be polite, like Canadians, or if your society pretends to be high-minded, like California, you have a definite handicap. But if you can overcome it and keep reading, then you just had your first big win: you won over your societal imposed limitation, and have taken your first step toward making your own decisions, becoming a person.
The second hurdle will be the problems you may have with seeing the world as a dynamic… in some way one can say that if you had problems at school with mathematics (algebra, geometry) you’ll need to overcome that self-imposed limitation. Or not. If you are feeble or slothful mentally, then, of course, you won’t. You won’t even try.
Making the old brain start to fire on all cylinders is painful… It is as painful as making an old car go faster, cleaner, be more perky… It is slow going, but it is possible. If you don’t have the patience, if you don’t have the TLD score, you’ll always opt for a new car that you can drive to slowness yourself… and then trade it in for a new car. But with your brain: you cannot trade it in… lol.
You know who you are… You will not go far in this game of taking control of your inner environment, of your own life, of your own success, of your own emotions.
We won’t learn to control the feelings. Feelings are valid indicators of what is going on, what you need to pay attention to.
The issue is not the feelings, but the marker feelings, that make the feelings turn into topsy turvy, illogical, irrational emotions, and consequently a reactive behavior that harms you. That hinders you. The takes the wind out of your sail, every time you want to do something to better your life.
The two feelings that are the most dangerous for you are
- the need to meet your own expectation of yourself
- the need to meet the expectation of others of you
Knowing what feeling was underneath the emotion makes it easier to understand, and quite easy to interpret. Then it does not take over your life.
- The client I spoke with on Thursday: She was feeling really horrible when we started the conversation. Going back to find when it started, she found that her colleague said something. What was the feeling? I asked… She has read the book… she said: “I felt ‘meeting my own expectation of myself’ was violated.” And then there was this silence, and then I could feel that the horrible feeling was gone, and she said… “Oh, OK. got it.”
- Or me this morning: I went to the bathroom, and smelled my hand… It smelled bad. And suddenly I was filled with anxiety. It was horrible. I looked what feeling it was… and I saw that the smell triggered the feeling of disgust… and disgust was transferred to my “I”… My own expectation of myself to smell good, be clean, be healthful was violated and translated into extreme anxiety. I simply went back and re-washed my hands. Issue handled. No more anxiety.
- What is most important to know: before the “I” is threatened, there are words… And they are said by the voices. You mostly miss it, or you think you said it… All emotions are marker feeling… attached to words.
- And there is another aspect: if you take everything personally, then you think you are the center of the universe… you have an overvaluation of your “I” and you are going to suffer a lot from these apparent attempts of the voices to devalue your precious “I”.
As I said, 80% of emotions come from the marker feelings of our “I” being in danger of being violated, threatened to be devalued.
This is why I said, that 80% low hanging fruit can save you from nearly 100% of all the bad feelings you have. It is either your self-image, or your public image is in danger of being devalued.
Piece of cake…
Either your “I” is overvalued and you need to adjust your valuation to closer to reality, or there is no real danger to your “I”…
What am I talking about when I say that your “I” is delusional or overvalued?
If you fancy yourself educated, well rounded, capable, and all that… but you are none of that… then the “Know Thyself” command needs to be obeyed. You need to create an inventory of yourself. One way to do that is to ask me to create your Starting Point Measurements… 3
You are what you are. As educated, as well rounded, as capable as you are. Not more and not less.
Trying to maintain an illusory self-image is the stupidest thing to do: it will not permit you to do anything, because you can’t let go of trying to control the illusion. You won’t take risks, because you cannot risk to find out that you are not as special as you fancy yourself to be.
I have a student who makes me proud. He has been, consistently and diligently adjusting his self-image to reality, and is feeling better, his vibration has risen, and his results in the world are better.
But, hold onto your seat belt: he also feels better about himself. Counter intuitive, isn’t it? But as he adjusts his self-image to what is real, the gap, the gap between what he can do and what he had pretended, to himself, that he could do, is getting smaller, and he now can enjoy the joy of being able to do what he is able to do…
Humility is a capacity to have your self-image match reality.
If I have told you, if you have noticed that you can’t grow, you need to learn from this student who is doing the work.
Come down from the dizzying height of your illusions, and tell yourself the truth about yourself. Your emotional world with clear up, and you’ll find yourself being able to do the things you haven’t been able, haven’t been willing to do.
Why? You didn’t want to be found out. You didn’t want, yourself, to find out that you are not that smart, not that together, not that funny, not that creative, not that different… or whatever you have been fancying yourself to be.
It’s painful and it’s freeing.
This is what the saying: “the truth will set you free” refers to.
You can only do it for yourself. How do I know? Because I have been telling you the truth about yourself, and it hasn’t made a difference, and probably never will.
Another student has said it best: “I have been not paying attention to what you are saying about me.”
Tai said something in a step, which one I don’t remember: “tell your boss to demote you. tell him that you haven’t been doing good work for a while, so it’s time to put you in a position where you can… a position that matches your abilities.”
Most people listen to that with horror… but most people need to do that. Imagine if you were a cat and you’d try to be a dog… a dog that pulls a sled, a dog that catches the Frisbee, a dog that follows instructions. Are you laughing yet? It is ridiculous, isn’t it?
But this is what you are doing to yourself.
And while you are pretending to yourself that you are a dog, you can’t appreciate your cat-ness… you can’t use your cat-ness…
“Love your life, perfect your life, Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and Its purpose in the service of your people.”
You can only do that if and when your “I” matches the reality of who you are.
You can grow it, but only if you don’t pretend that it’s bigger or different than it really is.
Summary: your emotions are triggered by words. 80% of those words are triggered by a fear of having your precious I devalued. There is a need-based feeling to meet other people’s expectations of you, or to meet your own expectation of yourself. But if your precious I is inflated… your life will be hell.
On one hand, realizing that the words were about your precious I, when the emotion, aka marker feeling is happening, it is freeing.
On the other hand, realizing that your faulty self-image can be corrected will reduce the occurrence of these bad emotions, if you start acting on it.
You should start with studying the books, Feelings and Words…
They will act as education, and a filter… will filter out the feeble minded, and the weak willed.
And partake in the Amish Horse Training Method workshops, if and when you can.
Read more from Sophie Benshitta Maven at yourvibration.com The Empath’s guide to getting well and raising your vibration