Your emotions, often, have nothing to do with anything that is happening, anything relevant, anything useful.

For now let’s deal with what we can deal with, and not worry about all the stuff we cannot deal with, because we have not enough data.

So…. how do you start about conquering this world of feelings, that is the seed level of the confusing world of emotions?

We won’t learn to control the feelings. Feelings are valid indicators of what is going on, what you need to pay attention to.

  • the need to meet your own expectation of yourself
  • the need to meet the expectation of others of you
  • The client I spoke with on Thursday: She was feeling really horrible when we started the conversation. Going back to find when it started, she found that her colleague said something. What was the feeling? I asked… She has read the book… she said: “I felt ‘meeting my own expectation of myself’ was violated.” And then there was this silence, and then I could feel that the horrible feeling was gone, and she said… “Oh, OK. got it.”
  • Or me this morning: I went to the bathroom, and smelled my hand… It smelled bad. And suddenly I was filled with anxiety. It was horrible. I looked what feeling it was… and I saw that the smell triggered the feeling of disgust… and disgust was transferred to my “I”… My own expectation of myself to smell good, be clean, be healthful was violated and translated into extreme anxiety. I simply went back and re-washed my hands. Issue handled. No more anxiety.
  • What is most important to know: before the “I” is threatened, there are words… And they are said by the voices. You mostly miss it, or you think you said it… All emotions are marker feeling… attached to words.
  • And there is another aspect: if you take everything personally, then you think you are the center of the universe… you have an overvaluation of your “I” and you are going to suffer a lot from these apparent attempts of the voices to devalue your precious “I”.

As I said, 80% of emotions come from the marker feelings of our “I” being in danger of being violated, threatened to be devalued.

Humility is a capacity to have your self-image match reality.

Why? You didn’t want to be found out. You didn’t want, yourself, to find out that you are not that smart, not that together, not that funny, not that creative, not that different… or whatever you have been fancying yourself to be.

You can only do that if and when your “I” matches the reality of who you are.

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