1. Realize and admit that you are stuck. This step is similar to Alcoholic Anonymous’ first step: We admit that we have no power over alcohol. In our case we have no power over what got us stuck. None. And hiding it, lying about it, covering it up, avoiding it, being resigned about it got us the life we have.
  2. Identify the nature of your stuckedness. Often just identifying it unstucks you. This can often be expressed in an “unanswerable question.” It is unanswerable because no matter how many times someone answers it, it does not scratch the itch… Mine is “Do you love me?” But someone telling me they love me does nothing for me… the question still remains: “Do you love me?” Some examples: do you appreciate me? do I matter? am I worthy? am I smart? do I belong? am I OK?
  3. Curtail the stuckedness, put it aside for a few minutes, so you can create a list of some desired results you would like to have
  4. Analyze those desired results for the hidden and unfulfilled, unfulfillable yearning you hide, that are both needed for and result in the outcome. I’ll explain it later…
  5. Create a unique, personal path for yourself to have what you yearn so that you can move, unhindered by the yearning, in fact supported by the yearning.

You resign to the fact that you want something that you can’t have

  • Until someone helps you to bring the missing item, the yearning to the conscious level, so that you can see it, own it, validate it yourself, and make it your job to provide it to yourself, nothing will change.
  • Until someone teaches you how to scratch your own itch, how to stop waiting for others to provide that feeling, you won’t be willing to set goals, and start taking risks, start moving forward.

The Solution you’ve been waiting for


  1. Why? Because it feels socially unacceptable. Like: I want to matter! Or I want to be important! or something similar that tells to that listen that you feel that you don’t matter, that you feel that you are not important. I.e. telling anybody give them a way to abuse you… And makes you vulnerable.
  2. In my educated opinion, this “itch” is the ongoing motivator of drug, alcohol, sex, work addiction…
  3. Buy the way… on second thought, maybe mine is that I want to matter, so I have the right to be alive… it is consistent with my personal history where I don’t believe that I am on borrowed time… because I was an unwanted baby.



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Sophie Benshitta Maven

Sophie Benshitta Maven


Publish at Raise your vibration true empath, coach, publisher, mad scientist, living a life that is worth living