You are right, your mother didn't love you. And yes, your mother considered you competition for the affections of your sexually abusive father. And yes, she used you as someone who listens without giving anything in return. How do I know? It is a copy of my life experience... that's how. The biggest difference is that I am 73, and I have come to terms with it, and I am now OK... better than OK. I am well. f... my mothers, and maybe all mothers... f... the culture that believes that humans can love... they can't... and won't.